Grief is a journey, and every person experiencing grief knows that. What we don’t always know, and cannot fully grasp, is the phrase, “one day at a time.” Wow! That’s so hard! How do you only look at this day – today – when so much of yesterday and so much of tomorrow has been taken away?
Living in the “today” is often the griever’s biggest heartache. Learning to grab hold of today and enjoy something about it without sorrowing about the future – the things that will never become part of our today – is often the most draining part of loss. Yet, we know that it’s a necessary part of our healing. Living just for today is hard work, but we must learn how to do it if we choose to live this life with renewed joy.
At first, one thinks only of making it through the lonely days and nights. Then, our walk becomes a bit more “normal” as we call it in the world of grieving. We come to understand that our normal is a new normal. Things will never totally be the same again. Then, our final step in this journey of grief is the total understanding of what has happened, and learning to live just for today and grasp the joy and renewed hope of today.
This change doesn’t come right away. It may take many long months, which reach into years. But, you will know with full certainty when you are living in the joy of this day.
When you can hear the birds singing their morning song and your heart whistles along, you are beginning to heal. When you can see the sunrise and smile with assurance knowing this is going to be a good day, you have begun to heal. When you hear laughter from others and you give yourself permission to join in, you will absolutely know that you are beginning to learn to live in the joy of this day!
Joy will return. It will be different than before your loss, but your new hope and joy will be deeper, more meaningful, and you will live in the presence of the gift of this day! -- Clara Hinton
“I will not try to bypass the pain of grieving. I will take it one day at a time until hope and joy return!” -- Clara Hinton
“Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him.” --Psalm 37:7
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Monday, October 4, 2010
The Newness of Grief
Facing change under the best of circumstances is difficult and a bit frightening, to say the least. What will it be like? How can I be prepared? When wills this awful feeling leave? How long will it take me to get to a place of feeling normal again? Change brings about many new things for us, and the loss of a child is perhaps the worst change one can ever go through! We no longer can find the ground beneath us, much less travel the road of grief we have now been placed upon!
Mercifully, the sharp edges of pain that accompany grief will not always be there. With each passing day, we are making progress in finding our way through all of the new grief – even if it doesn’t feel like it. Time stops being our enemy and actually begins to help give us what we need to help navigate through this dark, winding path called grief.
If you are in the newness of grief right now, life is not at all routine for you. Everything is different from the rising of the sun to the close of the day. Hold on! Millions have walked this path you are now on, and they, too, struggled. They searched. They fell down. They suffered battle fatigue. They asked hard questions. They cried millions of tears, but they made it. And, you will make it, too!
Hope is stronger than the grief you are experiencing today. Hope will eventually help you begin to feel alive again. Hope will emerge strong. Hope will light your path. Hope will brighten your journey. Hope will calm your fears. Hope will give you purpose again. Hope will carry you through! -- Clara Hinton
“Hope is stronger than any grief, and when my aching soul surrenders to hope, I will begin to see light once again!” –C. Hinton
“The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.” --Psalm 23:1
Mercifully, the sharp edges of pain that accompany grief will not always be there. With each passing day, we are making progress in finding our way through all of the new grief – even if it doesn’t feel like it. Time stops being our enemy and actually begins to help give us what we need to help navigate through this dark, winding path called grief.
If you are in the newness of grief right now, life is not at all routine for you. Everything is different from the rising of the sun to the close of the day. Hold on! Millions have walked this path you are now on, and they, too, struggled. They searched. They fell down. They suffered battle fatigue. They asked hard questions. They cried millions of tears, but they made it. And, you will make it, too!
Hope is stronger than the grief you are experiencing today. Hope will eventually help you begin to feel alive again. Hope will emerge strong. Hope will light your path. Hope will brighten your journey. Hope will calm your fears. Hope will give you purpose again. Hope will carry you through! -- Clara Hinton
“Hope is stronger than any grief, and when my aching soul surrenders to hope, I will begin to see light once again!” –C. Hinton
“The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.” --Psalm 23:1
Monday, September 20, 2010
Autumn's Grief
Grieving has its seasons, and autumn seems to be a particularly difficult season for those who have gone through loss. Maybe it’s the visual of seeing the flowers stop blooming and the leaves falling off of the trees. Perhaps it’s feeling the warm summer sunshine fading and suddenly feeling the lingering chill in the air. For most of us who have experienced loss, autumn is a time of reflection and bracing ourselves for the days of winter that lie ahead.
What if – what if we viewed autumn a bit differently this year? What if we reminded ourselves of how beautiful spring will be when it arrives again? What if we took the time to plant flower bulbs in the fall so that we can look for our spring following the dark days of winter? What if we promise ourselves to keep focused on the beauty of spring and summer rather than facing autumn with fear and dread?
Many years ago, following the loss of a baby boy, I went through a terrible autumn of grief. Winter was even worse, and I was not certain that springtime in my life would ever again return. I’m not sure what moved me to plant daffodil bulbs that fall, but I did. As I planted them, they were watered with my tears. The more I dug into the chilled, barren earth, the more my tears fell. Yet, I continued to dig and plant. Dig and plant. Dig and plant.
Autumn passed, the ground lay frozen and covered in snow for months in the mountains of Pennsylvania. And, my sorrow remained heavy. Little did I know how much spring would awaken my soul that year! Little did I know how much my grief would be lifted when I saw the first signs of those daffodils breaking through the ground that was now beginning to thaw! Little did I know how much of my grief would be lifted as I saw those first springtime blooms of daffodils! Hope returned! MY hope returned!
Are you facing autumn with dread and fear? Why not buy a bag of flower bulbs and plant them now? And, then wait……patiently and knowingly wait for your spring to return! And, when it does, I can assure you that it will be more beautiful than ever! –C. Hinton
“Grief endures for a season, and spring always returns!” --C. Hinton
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” Matt. 5:5
Love,
Clara Hinton
Mom of 11 living children
Mom of 1 stillborn son
Mom of 6 angel babies
Author of Silent Grief
What if – what if we viewed autumn a bit differently this year? What if we reminded ourselves of how beautiful spring will be when it arrives again? What if we took the time to plant flower bulbs in the fall so that we can look for our spring following the dark days of winter? What if we promise ourselves to keep focused on the beauty of spring and summer rather than facing autumn with fear and dread?
Many years ago, following the loss of a baby boy, I went through a terrible autumn of grief. Winter was even worse, and I was not certain that springtime in my life would ever again return. I’m not sure what moved me to plant daffodil bulbs that fall, but I did. As I planted them, they were watered with my tears. The more I dug into the chilled, barren earth, the more my tears fell. Yet, I continued to dig and plant. Dig and plant. Dig and plant.
Autumn passed, the ground lay frozen and covered in snow for months in the mountains of Pennsylvania. And, my sorrow remained heavy. Little did I know how much spring would awaken my soul that year! Little did I know how much my grief would be lifted when I saw the first signs of those daffodils breaking through the ground that was now beginning to thaw! Little did I know how much of my grief would be lifted as I saw those first springtime blooms of daffodils! Hope returned! MY hope returned!
Are you facing autumn with dread and fear? Why not buy a bag of flower bulbs and plant them now? And, then wait……patiently and knowingly wait for your spring to return! And, when it does, I can assure you that it will be more beautiful than ever! –C. Hinton
“Grief endures for a season, and spring always returns!” --C. Hinton
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” Matt. 5:5
Love,
Clara Hinton
Mom of 11 living children
Mom of 1 stillborn son
Mom of 6 angel babies
Author of Silent Grief
Monday, September 13, 2010
How Will I Get Through the Next Day?
How will I do it? How will I get through the next day when I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel? Who really understands? Does anyone want to sit down beside me and help me through this mess in my life? I feel so alone, so broken, and so helpless!
Every person who has experienced loss has felt those same feelings of helplessness and abandonment. Life feels shattered and it seems to us that we will never be
put back together again. Our burdens seem far too big for us, and so many times we give up searching for hope.
Hold on! Take a moment to stop and breathe slowly. Close your eyes and reflect on the moment. Listen to your own heart beating and know that as long as you have life inside of you, you have HOPE!
We each have had deep moments of pain and darkness, and during those times it is hard, if not impossible, to imagine ever seeing the light of day again. But, God designed us in His image, and He has not left us alone. Our Creator has sent us the sun, the moon, and the stars to shed light even during our darkest hours.
Take a walk outside for a moment every day just to listen to the sounds of nature. Do you hear the gentle breeze blowing through the trees? Can you hear the songbird singing a song of thanks and praise in the distance? Look to the heavens and follow the clouds. Stare at them until you can see beyond the misty blue to find the breaking of a new dawn. These are gifts of hope for us! These are our daily reminders that each day brings new hope and new strength! We have not been left alone in our pain! Rather, our heavenly Father has wrapped us in His arms of love and will never let go! --Clara Hinton
“Every sunrise is a personal reminder of new hope!” -- C. Hinton
“Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted.” -- Matthew 5:4 (From the Sermon on the Mount)
Every person who has experienced loss has felt those same feelings of helplessness and abandonment. Life feels shattered and it seems to us that we will never be
put back together again. Our burdens seem far too big for us, and so many times we give up searching for hope.
Hold on! Take a moment to stop and breathe slowly. Close your eyes and reflect on the moment. Listen to your own heart beating and know that as long as you have life inside of you, you have HOPE!
We each have had deep moments of pain and darkness, and during those times it is hard, if not impossible, to imagine ever seeing the light of day again. But, God designed us in His image, and He has not left us alone. Our Creator has sent us the sun, the moon, and the stars to shed light even during our darkest hours.
Take a walk outside for a moment every day just to listen to the sounds of nature. Do you hear the gentle breeze blowing through the trees? Can you hear the songbird singing a song of thanks and praise in the distance? Look to the heavens and follow the clouds. Stare at them until you can see beyond the misty blue to find the breaking of a new dawn. These are gifts of hope for us! These are our daily reminders that each day brings new hope and new strength! We have not been left alone in our pain! Rather, our heavenly Father has wrapped us in His arms of love and will never let go! --Clara Hinton
“Every sunrise is a personal reminder of new hope!” -- C. Hinton
“Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted.” -- Matthew 5:4 (From the Sermon on the Mount)
Monday, August 30, 2010
Our Heart Can Smile -- Even in the Rain!
The weather is so unpredictable. Sunny and warm one day, and then the next day there could be mighty gusts of wind with torrential downpours. We never know quite what to expect or how to prepare for the unpredictability of the weather!
Grief is so much like the weather. Some days the sun shines and we feel so warm and good all over. Then, without any warning, a storm begins brewing and before we know it, we’re running to find shelter.
The life touched by grief never really knows how to dress for the weather. Will it be raining today, or will there by only sunny skies? Will laughter touch my heart, or will my tears flow fast enough to fill a river?
One thing we do know, and that is that the sudden flashes back into intense grief will not always be that way. There will be a day when our grief no longer is the focus of our entire attention. We will be “okay” if a brief shower comes because we know that soon the skies will part and the sun will shine once again.
What triggers the rain in our lives? It could be something as insignificant as seeing a baby kitten rolling around in the grass. Or a butterfly fluttering to and fro. Maybe it’s a song that comes on the radio that reminds us of the emptiness in our lives. And, we weep tears of sorrow.
We’ll probably never be totally free of these grief flashes, but there will be a day when hope overrides our deep sense of loss and our heart will wear a smile – even in the rain! –C. Hinton
“Somewhere in the middle of my grief is the complete trust that spring will come again!” --Clara Hinton
“Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my help and my God.” --Psalm 42:5
Grief is so much like the weather. Some days the sun shines and we feel so warm and good all over. Then, without any warning, a storm begins brewing and before we know it, we’re running to find shelter.
The life touched by grief never really knows how to dress for the weather. Will it be raining today, or will there by only sunny skies? Will laughter touch my heart, or will my tears flow fast enough to fill a river?
One thing we do know, and that is that the sudden flashes back into intense grief will not always be that way. There will be a day when our grief no longer is the focus of our entire attention. We will be “okay” if a brief shower comes because we know that soon the skies will part and the sun will shine once again.
What triggers the rain in our lives? It could be something as insignificant as seeing a baby kitten rolling around in the grass. Or a butterfly fluttering to and fro. Maybe it’s a song that comes on the radio that reminds us of the emptiness in our lives. And, we weep tears of sorrow.
We’ll probably never be totally free of these grief flashes, but there will be a day when hope overrides our deep sense of loss and our heart will wear a smile – even in the rain! –C. Hinton
“Somewhere in the middle of my grief is the complete trust that spring will come again!” --Clara Hinton
“Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my help and my God.” --Psalm 42:5
Monday, August 23, 2010
And, the Clouds Reach Out to Me in Hope!
Today is another day in the 365 days that make up a year. I find myself being swallowed in a sea of grief and pain today, yet I have an inner knowing that somehow, someway it is still going to be good. I know because I have seen another sunrise. I know because I have experienced the joy of hearing the birds in the distance chirping their songs of praise and thankfulness. I know because I’ve seen others fall into a similar sea and come out onto dry land strong, and filled with new hope.
My greatest moment of “knowing” comes when I look at creation. Not all of us have the opportunity to walk along the sea, or to pick wildflowers from a field, but
each one of us has the sky! Can you even begin to fathom the expanse? Study the moods of the sky by following the clouds and their many changes from dark to white and fluffy billows of cotton floating through the air.
When I look at the heavens I am filled with hope! I know that I have a Creator who takes great pain in every detail, including the very details of my life. I can feel His presence in my life, and I am comforted. I can see His workmanship and know that He is very involved in my life. I can see His mighty power in all of His creation and I feel embraced in His strength.
What are you going through today? Pain? Doubts? Loss? Fear? Look to the heavens and allow the Maker of it all to hold you in His strong arms and to keep you safe! Hope is near. Strength is yours. Peace is your gift today! --Clara Hinton
“Beneath the vast expanse of the sky, I can sense the order of the world and feel secure in the arms of my God.” --C. Hinton
“My soul clings to Thee; thy right hand upholds me.” -Psalm 63:8
My greatest moment of “knowing” comes when I look at creation. Not all of us have the opportunity to walk along the sea, or to pick wildflowers from a field, but
each one of us has the sky! Can you even begin to fathom the expanse? Study the moods of the sky by following the clouds and their many changes from dark to white and fluffy billows of cotton floating through the air.
When I look at the heavens I am filled with hope! I know that I have a Creator who takes great pain in every detail, including the very details of my life. I can feel His presence in my life, and I am comforted. I can see His workmanship and know that He is very involved in my life. I can see His mighty power in all of His creation and I feel embraced in His strength.
What are you going through today? Pain? Doubts? Loss? Fear? Look to the heavens and allow the Maker of it all to hold you in His strong arms and to keep you safe! Hope is near. Strength is yours. Peace is your gift today! --Clara Hinton
“Beneath the vast expanse of the sky, I can sense the order of the world and feel secure in the arms of my God.” --C. Hinton
“My soul clings to Thee; thy right hand upholds me.” -Psalm 63:8
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Grief is a Roller Coaster Ride!
We need to constantly remind ourselves that grief is not a smooth path, but is often rocky, bumpy, and takes us off course for a while. There will be setbacks, but that doesn’t mean that you’re not making progress in your journey towards finding hope and joy once again. Every step that you take is a step closer to finding new hope and strength!
Rather than waste precious energy beating yourself up about not doing better, why not remind yourself daily that you are doing the best that you can. You’ve been pushed into a place that is foreign territory, and you had no choice. Expect some setbacks, accept them when they come, take time to get the tears and pain all out, take a deep breath, then move on.
Life is fragile for each of us, and we’re all in this thing together. Remember that hope is nearby, even when we cannot see it. Trust that the One who created you and this universe knows you intimately and cares. He knows your every joy, and He suffers with you through your every heartache.
If today is one of those not-so-good days, then take heart, allow the pain to be released, and know with full assurance that when you do that, you’re opening up the door to new hope! --Clara Hinton
“Go to sleep knowing that God is awake, and He will take over the things that you cannot do. You are never, ever alone!” --Clara Hinton
“Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him.” -- Psalm 37a
Rather than waste precious energy beating yourself up about not doing better, why not remind yourself daily that you are doing the best that you can. You’ve been pushed into a place that is foreign territory, and you had no choice. Expect some setbacks, accept them when they come, take time to get the tears and pain all out, take a deep breath, then move on.
Life is fragile for each of us, and we’re all in this thing together. Remember that hope is nearby, even when we cannot see it. Trust that the One who created you and this universe knows you intimately and cares. He knows your every joy, and He suffers with you through your every heartache.
If today is one of those not-so-good days, then take heart, allow the pain to be released, and know with full assurance that when you do that, you’re opening up the door to new hope! --Clara Hinton
“Go to sleep knowing that God is awake, and He will take over the things that you cannot do. You are never, ever alone!” --Clara Hinton
“Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him.” -- Psalm 37a
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