Getting through Mother's Day during Child Loss

Mother’s Day will soon be here, and while that day is an awesome day of celebration for some, it is also one of the most painful days of the year to get through for the many mothers who are living with the heartache of child loss.

I have been a mother in grief. Twenty-two years ago on Mother’s Day I was carrying my son who was to be born in July. Instead, I found out that he had died inside of me, and I spent Mother’s Day carrying my little boy knowing that his heart had stopped beating forever. He was delivered “still” on the Thursday following Mother’s Day.

Having “been there”, I can tell you that there is no right or wrong way to approach Mother’s Day when grieving. Do what is best for you, and don’t spend countless hours trying to please others around you. If you want to take a walk among nature to reflect, then do it. If you want to skip family meals and all reminders of Mother’s Day, then do it. And, remember that you don’t owe the world an explanation. This is one time when it’s necessary to be selfish in your actions. You know what is best for you, and this is a time to take care of yourself.

Remembering your child is a very personal thing, and you might find that others will not remember, or if they do remember your child, they might not mention your child by name. Others don’t like to see us cry, so they avoid the obvious. “My child isn’t here, and I’m in pain.” Cry. Journal. Scream. Sleep. Light a candle. Release a balloon. Write a poem in memory of your child. All of these are ways to “get through Mother’s Day” when you are missing your child. Again, this is very personal. Do what is best for YOU to get through.

Lastly, remember that this day will pass. You will make it, and when you do you will have accomplished a big step in your journey we call healing. – Clara Hinton

“My child, I love you, and I always will.” --Clara Hinton

“In the day of my trouble I shall call upon Thee, for Thou wilt answer me.” --Psalm 86:7

Remembering Happy Times Brings New Hope!

Any kind of loss is hard. Loss of job. Loss of home. Loss of a beloved pet. Loss of a friendship. Most difficult of all to bear is the loss of a loved one—especially the loss of a child. Children are never supposed to die before their parents!

How does one find hope when all hope seems to be gone? Somewhere on this journey of grief, we begin to remember happy times. At first it’s painful and often seems a bit disrespectful, but eventually those memories bubble up and fill our hearts with joy!

The happy memories become a healing salve to the raw pain that we once felt. Once of the greatest gifts we can give to ourselves (and this takes time to reach this point) is to be able to remember the times of laughter and fun shared with our loved one!

Give yourself permission to remember the happy times! When you do remember those times of laughter, fresh hope will flood your soul with healing peace and joy! –Clara Hinton

“I will remember my loved one with joy, and I will feel at peace.”—Clara Hinton

“A merry heart doeth good like a medicine.” Proverbs 17:22

The Love Holiday

This week we will celebrate a holiday that is typically known as the “love holiday.” Millions of dollars will be spent on chocolate candies and flowers. The phone lines will be busy all day long making calls to special people. The card shops will be busy with all of the last minute shoppers for Valentine’s Day.

Yet, in the midst of all of this happiness there will be countless people grieving losses and feeling the hollow hole that can only be created by being alone. This day, February 14, will be one that will pass by and so many will feel alone, unloved, and forgotten.

Losing a loved one is a pain that is hard to describe. And, losing a child is a pain that is even more difficult to describe because children are never supposed to die before their parents. But, the sad truth is that every day this type of loss occurs leaving many parents grieving and feeling lost in a world that hardly seems to care.

Let us never forget, no matter what type of loss we are grieving, that we are never alone. God has promised to be by our side, to care for us, and to tenderly provide what we need especially during our times of brokenness.

Every time you look at the intricate markings on a flower or see the sunbeams dancing from heaven, be reminded that your Father made them with great care. Remember, too, that He made you, He knows you, and He has known you since the beginning of time. What a thought! We are never alone or forgotten with God as our Father!

On this special day when love seems to be in the air, sit still and allow God to embrace you with His love. Close your eyes and feel His very presence, and know that all is well with your soul when God is by your side! –C. Hinton

“God is the one and only true love.” --Clara Hinton

“Thou art my hope; O Lord God…..” --Psalm 71:5

Trust, Wait, Hope! Your Day of Joy is Coming!

There is so much dismal talk about the economy, the sad state of affairs of the family, new illnesses being discovered weekly……..that it leaves a person feeling so discouraged and hopeless. Then, when the blow of the death of a child hits, it seems like the pain of this life is almost too much to bear.

Please remind yourself often that you have a Shepherd watching over you and He will never leave you alone. Your pain does not go unnoticed. In fact, every hair on your head is numbered. You are held close to the bosom of God – even when it doesn’t feel that way.

Look at the mighty heavens and remember who made them. Watch the babbling brook and remember who is in control. Cast away fear and be comforted by the fact that you are not alone. Others have walked your difficult, lonely path and are here to tell you that you will make it!!!!

There will be a day when something or someone will awaken the hope inside of you and you will know that you are going to feel life once again. There will be a day when you will rediscover joy, and it will be doubly sweet because you will see with new eyes and feel with a new heart. Trust. Wait. Hope! Your day of peace and joy is coming! --Clara Hinton

“My heart feels gratitude when I am filled with hope.” --Clara Hinton

“The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.” --Psalm 23:1

Grief Makes Us Feel So Alone

Grief is such a universal experience, yet when it happens to us we feel so alone. Even when members of a family share the very same loss, each person feels the loss at a different level, and in a very personal way.

Our grief may be in common, but it is private as well. Our grief is our pain, and nobody experiences it in just the same way. It helps to remember that when we’re walking down the pathway of grief we are never alone even though it often feels that way.

There will be a time when we find solace and hope, but it will be different for everyone. Nobody experiences our loss the same, and nobody finds hope and comfort at the same time or in the same way.

What helps, though, is to remember that our day of peace will arrive, and when it does, it will be like having a big weight lifted off of our heart, and a new song placed in our heart for us to enjoy. No, we’ll never feel the same after a loss, but we will find relief, peace, and comfort. Hope will place a smile upon our heart as we continue on this journey we call life.

Hope allows us to look at today and enjoy the beauty of it, without worrying about the future. Hope gives us the strength for one day at a time, and slowly we find that the future has arrived and we are living it with a new strength and renewed sense of life that we didn’t have before. Hope gives us a reason to go on! --Clara Hinton

“It is comforting to know that God always provides hope as a companion to pain.” --Clara Hinton

“Faith is being…..certain of what we do not see.” Heb. 11:1